


Dallas in Wonderland

by 7WinstonChurchkill7



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Alternate Universe - Alice in Wonderland Fusion, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-28 08:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7631752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7WinstonChurchkill7/pseuds/7WinstonChurchkill7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You've all seen the movie or read the book. It's the story of a little girl and her wild imagination- Dallas Winston Style. Need I say more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Down the Rabbit Hole Part I

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the Outsiders or Alice in Wonderland.

Chapter 1

Down the Rabbit Hole Part I

Dallas was starting to get tired of sitting by Johnny and Ponyboy on the couch, and of not doing anything; a couple of times he had peered into the book the youngest Curtis was reading, Gone With the Wind, it had no cars or broads in it, "and what the hell is the point of a book," thought Dallas, "without cars or broads?"

So he was mulling over, in his own mind (as best as he could, it was a hot July day that made him feel very tired and agitated), whether the pleasure of making socs cry would be worth the trouble of getting off his duff and hunting for some action, when our of nowhere a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran past him.

There was nothing really very incredible in that; nor did Dallas think it so very much unusual to hear the Rabbit say to itself "Oh crap! Oh crap! I shall be screwed!" (when he thought about it again, it occurred to him that he definitely should have wondered about this, but it seemed normal at the time); but, when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its leatherjacket-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Dallas started to his feet, for he had an epiphany that he'd never seen a rabbit sportin' a leatherjacket, or a watch to take out of it, and, burning with curiosity, he ran out the house and across the lot after it, and was just in time to see it plop down a large rabbit-hole under the fence.

Soon Dallas to go down after it, never once considering how in the world he was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a long pipe for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so quick that Dallas didn't get the chance to stop himself before he found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well.

It was either really really deep, or he fell really really slowly, cause he had plenty of time as he went down to glance and look around, pondering "Damn it. Sodapop put bleach in the cake mix. Again." First, he tried to look down and make out what he was coming to, but it was too freaking dark: then he looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and bookshelves: It was here and there that he saw maps and pictures that hung upon pegs. He took down a bottle from one of the shelves as he passed: it was labeled "PEPSI-COLA," but to his grand disappointment it was empty: he didn't want to drop the bottle, I'd probably knock someone out, so he managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.

Well Glory!" Dallas thought to himself. "After I get out of this,(God I hope I get out of this ) I'll be able to handle anything! My old man! The fuzz! Hell even Two-Bit's lame jokes." (No seriously have you ever heard one of his jokes.)

Down, down, down. Would this thing ever end? "Man, I wonder how far I've fallen?" he said aloud. "Shoot I'm probably near the center of the freaking earth. Hold up: that would be four thousand miles down, I think—" (for, you see, Dallas had learnt several things of this sort, courtesy of Ponyboy Curtis. "—yep, that sounds right—but then I wonder what Latitude or Lo—Aw who gives a shit?" (Dallas really didn't give a shit he just wanted some Pepsi-Cola.)

And so he began again. "I wonder if I'll end up in China or maybe Disney World! That'd be real tuff. Maybe I'll end up in Vegas, make some loot, and buy an Impala. Oh crap… What if I fall of the freaking planet? I'm so dead." (he was pretty happy that none of the gang was there listening, gotta keep the rep) "—Well better start settling things. Please, God, I know I've done some um, bad things and I'm a worthless scumbag and I'm probably gonna die but can you do one last thing for me? Would you look out for the guys, especially Johnnycakes?" (and he tried to ignore the fact that he was plummeting to his doom as he prayed—imagine that. Do you think you could pull that off?) "So yeah! You should definitely grant me this last thing if you know what's good for ya…um Sir."

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Dallas started talking to himself again. *cough* Psychotic… "I'm probably gonna miss that party tonight!" (The party was at Buck's.) "Ah, what am I worried about. They'll cancel. It ain't a party without Dallas Winston. Damn! I wish someone was down here with me. Superman, Two-Bit, Stevie? Pony or Johnnycakes? Sod—O hell no! It's his fault I'm here in the first place." And here Dallas began to real sleepy, and went on saying to himself, in a dreamy sort of way, "Rearrange Soda's face..Rearrange Soda's face…" and sometimes "How do you mistake bleach for water?", for, you see, as he couldn't answer that question, it didn't really matter anymore, cause he 'd given up on getting out of here. He felt that he was dozing off, and started dreaming that she was walking hand in hand with Cherry Valence, and was saying to her, in a heated voice, "Has anyone ever told you how fine yo—?", when suddenly, thump! thump! down he came upon a pile of rocks and sticks, at least he'd stop falling.


	2. Down the Rabbit Hole II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dallas finally makes it to the end of the rabbit hole; hilarity ensues.

Dallas wasn't hurt at all, and hopped onto his feet instantly: he glanced up, but it was pitch black overhead: ahead of him was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, racing down it. There wasn't a moment to lose: away went Dallas like the wind, and he arrived just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, "Oh #%! how late it's getting!" He was close behind it when he turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer in sight: he found himself in a long, low hall, which was lit by a row of chandeliers hanging down from the roof.

There were doors all round the hall, but all of which were locked; and when Dallas had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, he walked down the hall pissed off (albeit a little depressed), wondering how the heck he was going to get out of this joint.

It was then that he came upon a little three-legged table, made of diamond: there was nothing on it but an itsy bitsy teeny weeny golden key, and Dallas' first idea was that this could actually go to one of the doors in the hall; but, damn! Either the locks were too freakin big, or the key was too freakin small, but the point is, it would not open any of them. However, on the second try, he saw a low curtain he'd not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about a foot high: he tried the little golden key in the lock, and the darn thing actually fit!

Dallas opened the door and realized that it led into a small passage, not much bigger than a rat-hole: he knelt down and looked down the passage into the loveliest collection of food and drink you ever saw. Pie, Smores, Turkey, Dressing, Pie, Beer, Coca Cola, Pepsi-Cola, Pie, Pie, Pie. He longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those patches of bright donuts and those cool bottles of soda, but he couldn't even get his head out of the doorway; "Even if I got my head through," thought poor Dallas, "the rest of me would still be stuck. Crap, I guess smaller is better! Karma is a bitch." For, you see, so long ago, before he ended up down here, Dallas and Ponyboy once had a conversation that went on like so:

"Bigger is not always better."

"Yeah it is. I can drive wherever I want, drink whatever I want, go wherever I want, and everyone thinks I'm grown."

There seemed to be no point in waiting by the mini door, so he went back to the table, half hoping he could find another key on it, or maybe a book Getting the Hell Out of Here For Dummies: this time he found a little bottle on it ("I did not see that before," said Dallas), and tied round the neck of the bottle was a little label, with the words "DRINK ME" printed in bold lettering.

It was all very nice to say "Drink me," but Dallas had no intention of doing that yet. " Hell no, I'll look first," he said, "For all I know it could be poison or more bleach"; he was already lost, trapped probably and worse, all because he got hungry and his sweet tooth got the better of him.

But, this bottle didn't look like it had poison in it. It didn't smell like poison. His hand didn't disintegrate when he dipped his finder into the bottle. And that was good enough for Dallas so chose to taste it, and, what do you know it didn't taste so bad (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of chocolate cake, ice cream, apple pie, fried chicken, caramel, and cinnamon rolls), he finished it pretty fast.

"Huh… I feel all tingly now." said Dallas. "Sugar Rush!"

Sugar rush it was not: he was now only ten inches height, though he didn't mine because his first thought was Ha ha! Time to go score me some donuts! First, however, he waited for a few minutes to see if he would get any smaller: he got a little anxious; "that would suck if I stayed like this," said Dallas to himself, "or got so small I disappeared or something." He tried to imagine that and it wasn't a very comforting idea.

After a while, finding that nothing more happened, Dallas said "Screw this." He decided on going into the buffet at once; but, alas for poor Dallas! When he got to the door, he accidentally forgot the little golden key, and when he went back to the table for it, he was unable to reach it: he could see multiple images of it quite plainly through the diamond, and he tried his best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slick; and when he had got tired of trying, the poor little thing sat down and started cussing up a storm.

"WHAT THE FUCK! Are you kidding me I left the damn key on the table. How the hell did that even happen? Better yet, how the hell did I end up in this shit-hole! I mean I want to fucking punch babies right now. Is this your idea of fun?" he screamed to the heavens or whomever could hear him "cause I'm not having fun. SODAPOP CURTIS if I make it out of this I am going to shank you in the your sleep. YA HEAR ME? DAMN IT!" He took a deep breath before counting to ten.

"Whoo! Almost lost my cool there" said Dallas to himself rather sharply. "I just gotta stay calm. Stay calm, and I'll be out of here in no time. Patience is vice..er virtue..whatever." He was generally given very good advice (though he usually blew it off or misinterpreted it). Soon his eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table: he opened it, and found in it a very small cookie, on which the words "BITE ME" were beautifully marked in currants. " Ain't that the truth. Well, I'll eat it," said Dallas, "maybe I'll grow or something, I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I'll crawl under the freakin door: so either way I'm getting my donuts, and I don't care which happens!"

He ate a little bit, and said anxiously to himself "Well? Did it work?", pressing his hand on the top of his head to feel which way it was growing; and he was real surprised to find that he remained the same size. To be sure, this is what usually happens when one eats cake; but Dallas had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but crazy things to happen, that it seemed quite boring and lame for life to go on in the common way.

So he set to work, and very soon finished off the cookie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for tuning in!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
